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Friday, March 17, 2006

The Melancholly Surprisingly Returns

Now What? That's the question going through my mind lately. Feel I've hit something of a plateau, you know...

I should be overjoyed and ecstatic. Thrilled and exuburant. I got the girl. I am starting to become a headliner comedian. I found a nice home to move into within two weeks. All the ancillary parts of my world are no longer in my orbit. Many of my goals have been reached, and I'm supposed to be happy now. But I'm not entirely sure I am. I am at the place I always vowed that should I ever reach, peace and contentness would meet me there. If this was the rainbow, there was to be gold here - but there isn't. These days are just like any other. And now the question is "What Next?"

Makes me wonder about goals and what they mean. Perhaps goals are not much more than dictractions to protect us from the mundaity day-to-day life. They say life is pain - perhaps goals and ambitions are small shots morphine, enough to get us through until the next wave of joy unexpectedly hits.

I really am not sure what to do with myself. The adventures of Brett - the one I have been on for the past years, are finished, and they indeed showed me much and brought to me a world of good and love. They took me to England, Toronto, Montreal, parts of America and the East Coast of Canada. I have reaped what I have sown and the yield is impressive. It was an all-encompassing journey that took the whole of me to accomplish, in which every ounce of my heart, mind and soul was pured into. I did it all and had my goals to guide me throuhg it. And now, I see I have reached them.

Now what? I am still alive. In fact, contrary to what I theorized, I am getting healthier. I am still a young man, yet I am getting older - in a good way. It has been suggested to me that at this point, I "start again". Guess I have to.

I have more goals. I do want much, much more than what I have. I haven't even scratched the surface of what I wish to do. Haven't taken much more than a step or two in the direction of who I want to be. It just seems that these goals will be a little harder to accomplish. These tasks a little bigger; and in direction, a bit vaguer.

And to think how funny this experience of life is. Once your goals are reached and at that very moment you find yourself perched on the summit of you dreams, that moment is also the exact same moment yet another range of journeys presents themselves, and you find yourself seemingly back where you started, at the base again, foregtting all the work that brought you there.

So I guess I have to awake from the daze in order to seize the days. Wake up.....


Blogger Angela said...

Hi Brett,

You are asking yourself many deep questions- that in and of itself is something of a goal, the search for meaning in your life. I hope you find what you are looking for.

By the way, Happy Blog Birthday.

Be well,

1:39 AM


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