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Thursday, June 29, 2006

Vs. Nature

The newscasts are reporting that there will be record swarms of Mosquitoes in the city this year, raising disease fears and levels of itch. Up North, there was an enormous cloud of moths that created, surprisingly, thousands of dollars of damage to store properties. Earlier in the month, rain fell for a week straight, flooding basements and damaging gardens.

If you’re like me, and all your neighbours, (which is very important), you’ve had enough. For too long, forces beyond our control have wrecked havoc on that which we have worked hard to create. Our Earthly ‘Mother’ has sought to destroy miles of beach WE have spent years grooming. Nature has selfishly acted on her whims without consulting us humans, the alpha of existence. Ever so ignorantly, nature has acted not on OUR interests. It’s time to stand up. It’s time to say no. It’s time for a War on Nature. The time has come for Nature to be stopped.

We, as humans, deserve reliable climate and temperatures. We deserve no bugs, no hurricanes and no drought. Nature does not comply with this request. Does it care that it rains on our picnics? It does not, which proves that Nature is a psychopath. Nature is a complete and utter sociopath that thinks of nothing but itself. For years and years, nature has ruled with complete autonomy this planet named Earth. As hosts and CEO’s of Earth, it is finally time to rise up. We have lulled nature into a false sense of security. It has its back turned. The time to rise is now.

As if facts are needed, there also happens to be an ethical air-tight case against it. Nature’s belief system is paradoxically opposite to ours, which is, of course, wrong. Natures’ wisdom is based on ‘currents’ and ‘pressure’ and ‘flow’. Ours, the correct one, is, of course, based on the most correct and ethical of values, ‘Money’ and ‘Status’. These are the pillars of greatness on which we stand and, these, the stakes that we shall burn Nature on. Nature’s inability to understand these values will be its downfall.

Nature IS. This is, of course, also wrong. The correct way to be, obviously, is DECORATED. A task unacknowledged is not a task – it is a waste of time. Only those with medals are successful. This is fact. Where, I ask, are Nature’s ribbons? Show me the Trophy which Nature earned for its ‘Tropical Depressions’! There are none, because Nature is a Loser – a Loser we will stop.

It is recommended we sport a unified effort in order to stop it. It is noted with elation the escalating rise of SUV’s. This tactic is brilliant! We will drain Nature of its resources and fog its atmosphere further. It is with great pride I salute all humans for driving these environment killers – although I am sure my words hail in comparison to the pride you surely ‘sport’ in your decorated Nature assassins.

In conclusion, the greatest threat our species has ever confronted is everywhere. It is uncontrollable and unpredictable. It is in your backyard and mine. The War on Nature will not be an easy battle, nor will victory be guaranteed. A special, unified effort is needed to ensure victory. Questioning the efforts will only serve to strengthen Nature’s allies – wind, fire and water. All must be stopped. All will. Godspeed, Humans, and never forget this world is ours