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Saturday, December 31, 2005

Good-Bye To A Year And An Old Way Of Life

So 2005 is over in about 7 hours from where I am now. It's been one hell of a year, one that's gone might quickly, too. One year ago as the clock struck midnight, I was driving a rental car through Calgary after having dropped off my friend, who was too sick to stay out, at home. I was sober at midnight, the first time in years that happened (or at any other midnight, for that matter) and it struck me that perhaps something new was being foreshadowed. I couldn't have guessed all that happened in the year that we're putting to rest in a matter of hours, and I feel that not only is a year done, not just a new calender to put up, but truly this years' passing marks the end of an era. What will become can only be known as I walk forwards into the new future that awaits. In the year 2005, this, in no specific order, happened:

- My beloved Cat Patches was put down after years of loyal service. My unconditional love of my cat continues, and I miss her every day. You know what, though? She's still around. I can feel it. 2006 will be the first Patches free year in two decades and I'll be fine. It's what you had, not what you lost

- I moved to Montreal to be with a woman who has defied description. I always vowed I would never move anywhere for the sakes of a relationship....I am happy I broke my rule. You never know how things are going to go, but this IS going great, and I am happy and grateful for each day I get to share with her

- I left Toronto. Huge move. I finally chose being alive and a life of true consequence over a life of false idolizing and illuison. Real Brett over a career. I know that which is real and made a stand that mattered to me. Real life is the only important thing that matters and the supposed fall-out from such a move is beyond worth it. Bring it.

- I went to alot of places. In 2005 alone: Vancouver, Kamloops, Williams Lake, Cranbrook, Kelowna, MACLENNAN, Red Deer, Edmonton x2, Calgary x lots, Fariview, Grand Prairie, Regina, Saskatoon, Winnipeg (briefly and happily), Toronto, Ajax x2, Barrie x3, Windsor, London (the shitty one), Peterborough, Hamilton, Kitchener x 3, Kingston, Grand Rapids, New York City and lastly Montreal. I forgot lots of them, I imagine. I believe I travelled upwards of 50000 kms. I can't believe all I have seen, and my life's work will be to communicate what I see.

- I moved across the street in Toronto is mid-day after deciding to that morning. Good move! You should really only do that which you want to do, and that was the first real example of that. I encourage you all to do the same.

- Went to a Flames game. THANK GOD.

- I got my guitar back and started playing it again. I love it. Just a matter of time I until I make albums. Remember that.

- I read dozens of books. My brain knows alot more now than it did this time last year. I continue to pursue knowledge, and one day, I'll still have alot to learn but I'll have that much more to teach.

- I started writing THIS things. Somwhere, somehow, perhaps it made a diffirence.

It was a busy year. 2006 will be a much busier, much bigger year. My whole life, I've felt I was working towards something - something I couldn't quite see but knew was there. I think now I am getting close. I can feel it. This will be the year where there is so much more change. You read it here first - things will not be the same. And that's ok. That's what I want. I'm making no resolution, no vows of a better way, no promises to be a fuller, better man. Those are all bullshit and maybe if we vowed to those every day of our lives rather than just at calenders end, we'd make more realistic resolutions, like eat the foods we like and listen to the music we love.

2006 will be new. But, it's more where I am than what the calender says. My new direction has already started, and mark my words, things are going to happen. Happy New Year, unless you don't believe in Calenders or time, which I am aspiring to. So, maybe, Happy Today, Happy Midnight, and Happy Tomorrow, but mostly, Happy Moment.

Saturday, December 17, 2005

Pucks & Nets

Hello, again. It's been awhile. Wonder if anybody reads this. If you do, you're partly the reason I stopped writing it. I do this for me. I have to admit I liked the comments, but I hate writing, playing music, being funny or just plain talking when I'm concerned with other people. Happy you like it, but know I do it for me. Knowing that, pleased to have you here and I'm funnily surprised you stuck around. I'm in Kelowna British Columbia now and my mind is excited.

This bar I'm doing comedy in this weekend has a street hockey mini arena in the corner. It has a glossy floor, real boards, a full size net with a goalie cut-out and some sticks and balls. It's alot of fun to have both hockey and comedy in the same room. If heaven was real, it would contain both of these for me. It's a wondeful treat I didn't expect.

So, I've been shooting alot. When I go to eat. Before the show. I anxiously look at it during the show hoping it would end so I could shoot. Tonight, I played alone, happily, as the bar closed and enjoyed rock and roll, which is much to my liking as well and will surely be in heaven, too.

I found myself very short of breath as I ended up playing tonight. I was curious as to why. I do smoke, but I was in the gym today and I never got that panty. I figured out why. It triggered my competitve nature. ARRRRRRRR. I love to compete. If you are reading this, challenge me at anything. I may not win but I WILL freak out trying.

I also found myself realizing something. As I slapped shot, backhanded and snap-shotted away, I saw that once I learned how to accomplish scoring in one manner, I VERY quickly wanted to learn how to perfect ANOTHER way of scoring. Knowing how to score one way is good, but it also means you can learn to score in more than one way, and you should probably teach yourself and learn how to.

As I competed with myself to get better at solo-indoor-bar-hockey-shoot-past-the-cardboard-goalie, my pulse raised, and I saw something else. Something totally diffirent but so very much obvious. The net as a whole. It was at that point my mind, in it's complex simplicity, thought, "Just put it in the net". No other thought. No other grand design. At that point, I became a single minded indiviual with the sole and only purpose of putting the ball in the net. To say it was easy is to mis-characterize it. It was one thing: Me, the stick, the ball, the net and the distance between it. The ball simply went in the net again and again.

Funny enough, the moment I was aware of this, I stopped to score. The odd one went in, but that was a result of years of built-up practice and ability. It was not the thoughtless act of ball-in-net.

It paralells with my comedy so well, too. With my guitar. With my concerns and my stresses and my Love. The moment I forget to think about it is the moment I understand it, the moment I enjoy it and the truest moment of my being alive on this planet. Life is far from perfect and the knowledge of that is sometimes enough to keep it that way. When I forget about that stuff, when I see life as whole and me a part, I realize that, if I can simply put the puck in the net, I don't miss my shot.