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Friday, April 28, 2006

Names and Accusations - Yummy!

In my last post, I mentioned 'naming names'. It stuck in my head. I realize nobody does this anymore. Direct finger-pointing has become passe. Innuendo and suggestions is as near as it seems to get. Nobody owns up to things or flat-out accuses anymore. Fear of legal action, fear of rejection, fear of feather ruffling, fear of being wrong - they may all be factors. But, I don't so much care. Names should be named. Faces should be shown. For good OR bad. I think the world needs more finger-pointing, if only to spark debate. So, I present 'Naming Names and Showing Faces'.

Name: Sammy's Deli.
Location - Calgary.

This place - Sammy's Deli on 17th ave in Calgary is on the name list because it's food sucks. It came highly recommended and upon checking it out, I have determined it's food was garbage. I ordered a Chicken Shawarma. It was awful. It was so bad, I found myself thinking, 'Hey, I could make this'. That's a bad deli. If I can outcook a pro establishment, that establishment shoud look into becoming a dollar store or pawn shop. Get the fuck out of my city with that crap food. Sammy's Deli - you suck balls. I like to think of myself of as something of an intellectual with certain achievements of mine backing that statement, and with that in mind, saying you suck balls at food making is the most accurate statement I can make. Sammy's Deli bad.

I'm really tired and can't think of many more. I was laying in bed and couldn't sleep. I really was thinking about how bad the Shawarma was. Maybe this has nothing to do with name naming so much as it does insomnia and old chicken. I can't sleep and my writing is slipping.

Name: Brett Martin
Location: Depends on your perspective

My trouble with this guy is he takes a lot of shit. I know for a fact that there are several people he would like to eviscerate with his wit and mouth, yet he won't. He seems to hold himself back. But he's changing back, you know. He's getting pretty fed up. I knew him when he had fire in his soul and intensity in his eyes. He has softened and admittedly become a happier man. Good for him. But I see him as half-speed at the moment. He sucks now, but I know of no man who does what he does when he does it. He also speaks frequently in the third person and that has to stop.

Name: Ron from Saskatoon
Location: Saskatoon

I'm upset that I forgot this guys last name, but not surprised because I lack the respect for him to be able to. He runs the Comedy Room in town. He's also a manager at the hotel. I cannot judge him as a man outside of the comedy room because I do not know him. I do know he can kiss my ass. I had three bottles thrown at me in his room and he did not apologize to me. That's low, brothers and sisters. If you are in my house and you happen to burn yourself in warm tap water, I will show concern and offer assistance. He dealt with me as if it was my fault. Granted, I did have on my 'hey fuckers, why don't you throw three bottles of beer at my face and ruin an evening for people who are sober and came to the show' t-shirt on, but that's no reason to be a pompous dick. He gave me a cold-shoulder that not even a loved one could give. What should I expect, really. I should have just been humbled to be in the presence and share in the aura of the great food and beverage manager/comic liaison in Central Saskatchewan, Canada.

Name: My Mom
Location: Mothers pedestal

She went to Califonria and brought me back the new 'Eagles of Death Metal' CD. The album name is 'Death by Sexy'. When your mom brings you back a gift like that, that's a name happily WORTH naming. For Mothers day I shall burn her a copy of the album.

Name: God/Eternal Life Force
Location: Heaven, Outer Space or Israel

Big Ups, Lordy - you made the list. A lot of people seem to be doing bad things in your name. Now, I'm calling you out, big guy. You gotta set the record straight. Let them know there is only ONE God. ONE source of life. Anybody who thinks that their God is the only God - you gotta smite them good! I'm tired of the news always being full of religious strife. Help us out, here, Life Force of the Universe. Also please help the Flames win the Stanley Cup. Besides, you know anybody who cheers for Ottawa is an infidel.

I'm tired. Cigarette then bed. Click click, reader - you don't want me to name you and call you out, do you?......


Anonymous Lara said...

Gosh, which add to click? Shingles, herpes and pox, oh my!

2:41 AM

Blogger Marcus C. Beaubier said...

I'm sorry you didn't enjoy Sammy's... Normally it's great...

3:28 AM

Blogger Cory said...

the last time I did Saskatoon - Ron, whatever his last name is, let folks scream thru LELAND klassen - nicest guy/big hands - sweetheart; patrick maliha; and then me - during my show I begged a drunken stag to "go to the strippers" - please! - at the end of the show Leland and I were behind the not-so-iron curtain when members of the audience started chucking chairs at each other - and punches and pitchers of beer...never been back. never hope to be.


12:36 AM


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