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Thursday, April 07, 2005


It's been an odd last two days. I can feel somthing changing, something happening. There's something in the air, and it's not just smog. I have a feeling I can only describe as grand. Yes, a grand event, I feel, is ocuring.
Let me be the first to say I have no idea what that might be. Of course, in my young mind, I seek to understand what it is and tend to jump to all sorts of conclusions. I've rationlized, though, to go against my swift emotional response, which of course, was and littered with everything from Development Deals to Diptheria. I have yet to rule out Diabetes, either.
I'm not even sure how to describe it, which is frustrating, because it's my job to. It's a mounting frusration, but calming at the same time - the knowing that something is changing can sometimes soothe the minds inability to understand just what it is.
This has all started with what I am calling 'My New Reality'. I have no job. My bank account is as spry as the 'Ol Pope. I am in a city where I am comfortable only to an extent. I am not unhapppy, but not euphoric. I like this situation, alot. It good for me. I feel free of all the excess. It's up to me, now.
It's manifesting itself onstage. I've been hitting the stage an extra amount this week, and I feel like a jockey on a horse, just beating the piss out of the horse because I know there's more there. I'm not sure that there's any other horses out there. I'm not sure if I'm even on a track - but I don't care. All I have is a sneaking suspicion that this horse can go, and go like it's never gone yet. Might be a Triple Crown horse. Haven't seen one in my lifetime, have no idea what it's like. I can feel all sorts of gears in it, but it seems to content to stay in 3rd, and I won't let it. Not anymore. This fucking horse can run, and I'm excited to see what it can do. One of there days, this horse is going to take off, and it'll be real fun ride.
OR, from another perspective, I'm in the 'bombing' lull after some great shows. Or, if you're the MC, making his job a little more difficult. Or, I was born with the soul of a horse, which would explain the many problems I have with humans.
All in all, things are good at Base Camp Brett. Rations are a little low, and the tent is full of holes and it's windy and I somehow lost eight of the pegs, but fuck it - Morale is high. I feel ok. This is somewhat fun, anyways. I should hope I am the right mixture of not scared and not too confident. If worst comes to worse and I should fail, luckily there is a butcher just down the street from me, and horse meat is the cheapest of all.


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