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Sunday, August 07, 2005

Almost Home

As the weekend draws to an end here, so too, does my vacation. I have the big event, yet, the Foo Fighters concert, which is on Monday, and then another wave of good-byes and see you soons'.

It's been nice to be back. I have learned much about myself this time through. I have been blessed with the gift of both time and distance in order for me to properly dissect what is new about me and what is diffirent about here. Much has changed on both fronts.

My new demeanor has gotten a good test-drive. Yet again, it has been misread as attitude or arrogance, but it remains neither. There is a virtue to silence, at least for me. I watch quietly, and realize that perhaps my 'new' ways are actually my real ways, and the time is nearing for me to follow that path into the unknown. To call it a new direction would be untrue, but to say I must soon follow another calling is a tad of an understatement. It is my future, and I am gathering the strength to navigate it now that I realize that much of my old life will not accompany me on it.

I hit a new level of understanding on stage as well, that has, of course, left me wondering. I frequently day-dream about being on-stage. I find myself thinking ahead of what it may be like. Just yesterday, I was in my conjuring up and image of me doing a show, and then reasing my arms, and the audience erupts. Last night, then, while doing my show, I did a joke and there was this buzz after. Somewhere between the end of a laugh, but nowhere near done enjoying the joke. I raised my left arm, and they erupted. Dreams come true, apparantly. Now to figure out how to bring life to the rest of them.

And, so, now it's Sunday night. I'm looking forward to going home, knowing full well that I have three weeks left in my house while figuring at the same time that my real home is not too far in the distance.


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