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Saturday, August 27, 2005

A Blog Entry Is Still A Blog Entry By Any Other Name

It's days like these you don't look forward to but have to reach. I learned that, I think.

Today was a big day in terms of my life on this earth. You see, in the course of the last several weeks, there has been something of an allignment of, well, stuff. The adventure I began on several years ago seemed to reach something of a zenith. The end result of many of my sacrafices and efforts seemed to all cough up at once in front of me, producing for the first time in recalled history of myself, achievement, reward and opportunity.

But, then a funny thing happened.

Having reached this first real step, first success, I found myself with a strange feeling. What? The same feeling of empty that I had before, now minus the illusion of 'saving graces'. The goals I had set for myself were also the standards that I set for myself as happiness. Although there is a sense of accomplishment and pride in me, there is also a couple of realizations. One: much, much more to go. Two: and more importantly - there weren't the answer or the solution, and neither is more.

And then another funny thing happened.

Life went on. It doesn't stop when your world does. The bills stills need to be paid and the plans still have to be made and the sun still rises and falls, but you don't, not in the same way.

Tonight I had a show. Downtown club. Late show. The man at the helms was coming down. I spent the day relaxing, listening to music. New Credit Card in action, no money concerns to think of. A day doesn't get much better than that. I should've killed. Those factors are the sum of an excellent equation as a comic. It should've been enough for me to at least mentally show up, but I didn't. Scripted and aloof, I chugged through 7 minutes of solid placation. Ball not so much dropped as dead to the idea of catching it and having no clue why to, anyways. Sadly, I have learned to fake it and it was acceptable, but both parties agreed something is amiss.

And then life went on again.

I have come to learn that my old ways were all dead-ends. All my dreams came to fruition, and the saying 'Be Careful What You Wish For' is true. Life becomes bigger as you get older and the things that looked so big years ago now seem trivial in comparison. I got to see where I was headed and think that it would be wise now to put up a diffirent sail. I have to choose new ways. I have to have better reasons. I have to take joy in the moment. But the eye must still focus on a goal....

That's what's hard about living. You always think you're doing the right thing until the moment you find out you're wrong. How else to learn but to learn?

And then life still goes on. I have accomplished things and look forward to continiuing. I guess I am now realizing that this phase is ending and the new one is going to look much diffirent. It's just weird to know you have to move past all the things you know, becaue if life goes on, so too, must you...

14 Comments:

Blogger Daryl Makk said...

My friend, you have hit the first of many plateaus. Once you think you have figured out this game, achieved a level of success...life kicks you in the nads with a reality check. We all go through it.
Now is the time to set the bar higher, start from scratch (on this plateau at least) and look forward and upward. Soon you will achieve more, have a sense of accomplishment right up until you crest the next plateau and feel this all over again. It feels like you have gotten nowhere. Look back and see how far you have come, then dig in and start the climb again.
the plateaus are rest stops on the way to the top. Some use them to refuel, others set up camp and stay. It is decision time and if I know you, you will choose wisely.

Lookikng forward to seeing your work again or better yet to share the stage.
Now if you will excuse me...my turkey is drooling.
:-)

2:25 PM

 
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Blogger Angela said...

Holy Spam!

Brett, you can block spam by adjusting the settings of your blog. Just look under "frequently asked questions", and it will give you a step-by-step explaination how to do it.

I agree with Mr. Makk, it seems as though it may be time to set the bar higher for yourself. I look forward to talking about it, and miany other things, next month.

With kind regards,
Angela

10:52 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

HAHAHA! You got yourself on a blog SPAM list..who knew they existed??
Apparently you're an excellent writer who has a gambling problem, needs to lose weight, read more, buy new shoes, and find some cool posters and poetry for his new pad.
You pour your heart out and people try to sell ya shit. Funny is life. jt

10:52 PM

 
Blogger Robert Hawkes said...

Brett,

You could always become a dentist and snort coke off a hooker's back.....

Daryl's right. I'm sure you've heard that the truly successful comedians don't have more talent than we do, they just never gave up and their peers fell by the wayside. Sounds like that saying may have more meaning for you today than ever before.

Just remember, the plateau you're on now may not seem like a great perch, but many of us are still chugging in that direction. Cheers.

1:38 AM

 

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