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Tuesday, August 30, 2005

"Wake up Maggie, I Think I Got Something To Say To You"

Time to get my brain going.

This has turned into a journal of sorts - not the initial plan when the directive "Go write, young man" was issued. I'm more of a private person than I end up being, should that make any sense. The fact that this is written eight feet from my bedroom and read by lord-knows how many people is something that has taken me aback in some ways. I neevr intended to share me with this many people. Probably only going to get worse - better?

I woke up today far later than I could have after staying up far later than I should have. My bedroom is in half-organized piles of possesions which I am struggling to pack up. As best I can tell, there is no use for me to still be here, yet I am. Sometimes you should look into the things that hold you up, and I'm trying to see why I'm still sitting at my pile of life and wondering just why I haven't moved it yet.

Not sure what other frontiers there are here at this moment to pursue. My friend and I hit a 'Who's who of what's what' event last night. Intoxicated, unshaven, unironed and uninterested, sporting my revolution hat, I wondered why I was there. It was something of a statement to everyone - self included - that I belong but at the same time, not at all. As I was swaying there, my friend called me to tell me that he was surrounded by crows. Without knowing why, I felt the same way. There I felt on the perimiter of the murder, but of a diffirent kind.

So, as I woke up today, Maggie May was stuck in my head. I know I have to get going. But, then I arose, walked around, and settled in for another day. Another day of what? Another day to share what I'm thinking, another day to be in a place I think I'm done with for the moment. Another day to wonder why I haven't gone. Still - I'm free. I know this.

So, it's not even late-September, but boy, I feel like I'm being used, feel like I was taken away from a home I've never really had and certain I have no more jokes to laugh at. I can't even try anymore, but I'm here - but I don't feel too sad about it.


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