Influenced by Oasis

It feels rather weird to be sitting here in this house again. Calgary is good, it's nice to be here again, but this time I feel a sense of restlesness. I know that I gotta go somewhere - but where? Well, one step at a time. Off to Montreal tomorrow for some comedy and adventure.

Things here are fine, I suppose. I did an open mike last night at a bar that years ago hosted a show where me any my peers that began together played weekly. Weird to be back there. Quite odd to see how the future and the past can happen in the exact same place.

It felt VERY good to be onstage these last few days. That which I was lamenting about not so long ago has ceased to be a problem and I seem to have broken through it. Turns out all you've got to do is say what you've got to say. I am going to repeat that sentiment. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS SAY WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY. I am of the impression that that fact pertains to many other circumstances and scenarios than comedy.

Even in my dreams now I am free. I used to be tormented by a sick sense of compliance in my dreams. I was usally working against my will, which is not to diffirent from my reality or that of many others. Not so much anymore. Just last night, I quit the baseball team after I hit a monstrous homerun. I just walked away. I recall that I was being looked for but knew I would never be found - and not becuase I would hide well, but because there were so many places to go. That's a good dream.

It's sad when people aren't alive. When they live a life that isn't theirs on their time. My old roomate in Toronto was like that. He, of the house I left abruptly, is in 'Show Business', which, by the way, is the biggest crock of shit going. Mr. Darren, as I will call him, used his professional pursuits as his sole defining value of self. Many others in 'Show Business' do the same thing. Mr. Darren never saw the real world, the one which we all live in whether we are aware of it or not. In my time there, Mr. Darren would frequently ask for a demo-tape of my comedy, would show me resumes of people he knew who had done things that apparantly I was supposed to care about. All would be fine if we were in the business world, but we weren't. We were at 'home'. When you are at home, you ask how your days were and how you feel. It isn't a place to gauge ones' professional success or ones' worth to ones' professional pursuits. Mr. Darren is a shadow of a man who may yet succeed in his professional pursuits, and I wish him no ill-will, but the void he feels that always compels him to compare 'resume' sizes will always leave him on the short end of the stick, as will all others' who fail to see that life is the event ITSELF, not the pointless pieces that build it. The pieces are to be enjoyed, but never forgotten that none would be if not for the presence of life.

I am not in show business. I am not an artist. I am not a comic or a writer or anything by definition. I'm a man who is, until the day I die, just going to say what I have to say. Wonder how much cash is in this?