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Monday, October 03, 2005

Weekend Stats - Cranbrook

Part of the fun of being a Sports fan is getting to follow the stats. The Arts tend not to offer the same service - until this point. I present the Stats and other vital information for the weekend:

Number of Cowboys I lipped off - 3

Number of Cowboys who bought me drinks - 1

Number of Cowboys I thought would beat me down - 3

Number of bottles thrown at me - 0

Number of bottles of HP sauce I took home with me - 1

Number of jokes I made about raping myself - 1

Number of times I'd thought about that before I said it - 0

Number of complimentary drinks given by the bar - 0

Percentage of people wearing mauve - %32

Line of the Weekend - "Every time I tell an AIDS joke, an Angel loses it's wings"

Number of Ketchup packets in my White Spot Triple O burger bag - 2

Number of packets desired - 6

Percentage likelihood of my telling them off next time I order a burger - %100

Number of colds gathered from the germ filled hotel room - 1

Average age of of bar clienetelle downstairs - 17

Average dirty old mans' thought upon seeing said young crowd - awesome

Number of drinks bought for me downstairs - 2

Percentage of drinks bought for me that weren't paid for by my fellow comic - %0

Number of times I became snitty with the whole idea of the bar - countless

Number of times I woke up before noon - 2

Number of times I was happy to be awake before noon - 0

Number of times I filled my plate at the Breakfast buffet - 2

Number of times I 'Took a Break' on stage - 2

Number of time I'd like to return to Cranbrook - 0

Percentage likelihood of my returning - %50

Reason for %50 return chance - $$$

Percentage of my brain that thinks $$$ is a good reason to return - %15

Amount of brain space that thinks about rent and bills - %15

Amount of brain space I could do without - %15

Percentage of fear that now, because of that brain joke, that I will develop a tumor and require brain surgery that takes away %15 of my brain - %1000

Percentage likelihood that if I do have brain surgery that the hospital will be in Cranbrook - %100

Number of times I was happy to be onstage - 2/2


Blogger Daryl Makk said...

Number of times i read this- 1
Amount I enjoyed it- 97%
Thoughts on how it will affect your career- 0
Number of times your humor amused me- countless
Number of times I have been in Cranbrook with the same thoughts.....don't want to think about it.

2:24 PM


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