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Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Back To The World

Things change. Let that be the lesson. That, and for not much longer shall this blog be a chronicle of MY life. There will be other things to write. It will become a deeper inquiry into living itself.

After having written my last entry, I never did leave that panicked headspace. I was very worried about being fired. I couldn't sleep, couldn't rest and was very anxious. I finally got out of bed at 10:00am after a night of no sleep and walked the street of Montreal. It calmed me down. Bought a Che Guevera book - figured he stuck to his guns, too. As the day went on, a feeling of pride and joy filled me. I did what I wanted to do. I followed my code. Fear aside, in a bind, I knew I had defined myself.

I went to the club that night waiting to get fired, and saw quckly it wasn't going to happen. Nobody actually noticed what I had done. Only me. Made it better. The problem at that point was that I was psyched out and unable to foucs on the new challenge - being in that room at that moment. I was a million miles away from reality AND the moment. I had no idea what to do, so I found a friendly face and said hi - I really need to talk to somebody. It was then that I met my new friend. We started talking and haven't stopped since.

I was to leave Montreal on Sunday morning and it's now Wednesday night and I am still here. My new friend and I get along rather well. I have been brought back not just to the moment, but to a place I haven't seen or been to in ages and I seem to have the same effect on her. Feel I've cut ties with alot of lies that I've been living in.

I don't really want to leave. I don't want to return to the world I knew, so I'm not going to. I will, however, go with the same flow that brought me here and that flow is in Edmonton this weekend, departing way to early tomorrow morning in the shape of an airplane. It will not be the world I knew, because the moment you change, the wolrd changes, and that is revolution. That is evolution. The world I knew is gone and I'm excited to catch a glimpse of this new one.

Go with flow - the queens of the stone age said it best. It was their CD and that song I listened to before I went to the club and talked about a stupid storm. Go with the flow - it's trying to take you somewhere. Go with the flow - I think it's flowing me back here before I've had the chance to leave.


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