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Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Dear Karla Homolka

Dear Karla Homoloka,

So, I guess you're out of jail now. That must suck. No more free meals, no more free rent, no more top of the line gyms and free cable. The run is over for you, I'm sorry. You have to go live out in the real world now.

I guess I should update you on what's going on in the world. There is a war somewhere over there and everybody hates you. Tough gig. People tend to get there hair in a bun about people like you, the kind of people that kill their sister on videotape. I know, watching most TV is like murder anyways, but you had no special effects. You're just kinda creepy.

Your fist call should be to PlayBoy. Pose naked. There's alot of cash in it and people love naked women. Some people may get upset, but just say you'll put 10% of it to a charity in your sisters name. It'll work. Some will say "Maybe she's reformed", but many will still want the sight of your death on the evening news - sorta hippocritical, I know.

You'll need a job, though. Idle hands are the devils' tool. You should get a job in PR. Go to a big company - GE, something like that, and be there spokeswomen. Who wouldn't want a celebrity to represent their company? Try the Tobacco companies. It would be good to get a job with moral equals. You have the face, Karla, don't watse what the good Lord gave ya. You could also be a weather girl! Tell us how sunny it is today, Karla!

I wish you luck finding a home. Your interviews for apartments must be a little tense. Can you get a reference from the jail people showing your a good tenent? You didn't kill anybody in jail, did you? Make sure you get a place without a basemet, no need for temptation.

And all in all, welcome back to GenPop, the World, Freedom! Enjoy your movie about you.



Blogger denise said...

P.S. Karla, get a haircut and maybe some highlights. You're looking a little nasty. You'll want to look nice for all the cameras that will dog you and ultimately your family will require a nice obit shot.


8:16 PM


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